Ponderings for today...

First off, I have noticed, that ever since I have been writing in my journal about what I read in the scriptures:
1. I remember it!
2. I learn more!
3. We talk about it in seminary!
So this all helps because I pull out my own stuff, then have stuff to share in seminary, then am more interested in the lesson, and learn more all around! YAY! Write in your journal about what you read. Or have a study notebook or something!

Another pondering, which in fact is what we talked about in seminary today (Nephi 4), is the existence of cliques, groups, and circles. Nephi 4 calls them "-ites". Seriously, it says that in the scriptures. Lately I have been thinking about how I'm not really in a group. I am friends with band kids, drama peeps, nerds, type-a ap students, type-b ap students, the silverscreen kids, and a whole bunch of other people.
This is a good thing. But sometimes, when I'm still eating lunch and all of my friends have gotten up and left to go play frisbee or something, or I just eat and am not in any really interesting conversations, or when I am standing in the band room waiting for Megan to give me a ride and seriously just standing there, or when I am by my friends and they are talking and I say something about the topic only to be looked at like "oh, we weren't talking to you" or to be trying to follow a conversation and say "what?" all the time, I get a bit discouraged about not having a group. Even with Marci, lately we haven't hung out as much. Which is ok, because I totally understand that she has tons of friends that I don't know, but a lot of my friends seem to be just aquaintances.
I don't get asked on many dates, I don't get asked to hang out very often, and when I do, I often feel like I'm a 5th wheel or something. So yes, I will admit that not being in a group is very discouraging. However, it's also a good thing. I have a fantastical amount of people I call friends. There's always someone to talk to, and by not fitting into a single group, I sort of fit into all of them, but not quite.
The point of this is...I don't know. I guess it seems like a bit of a rant. But today in seminary, Greg said something about how being in a group makes it hard to "butterfly around" to other groups. So I am a butterfly I guess. A very awkward butterfly who doesn't stay at one flower for long. I've always wondered where butterflies go when the day is over. Do they curl up anywhere, or just sleep on a leaf in the middle of nowhere? I guess butterflies really don't have homes like bees or birds. But now I have discovered the true meaning of a "social butterfly" and it is not really what people generally use the term to describe.
And yes, being a butterfly is a good thing. But you've got to wonder if a butterfly ever wishes that it was a bee, to go home to the hive every night and have a place to belong. By this I don't mean a literal home, just a group. Even in my own family I don't really fit in. I'm home, I'm 17, and all of my family is married and has their own families.
I guess the important part is remembering that I'm a butterfly.